Pondering...

As I look back at what I have done in the past 2 months since graduation...It doesn't seem like much at all besides the fact that I went to San Diego for 2 weeks, which was great by the way...but other than that... I've been bumming around the house a lot.

I've picked up some new skills along the way, which are cooking and daydreaming. I know how to cook some tasty dumplings now. Not to mention, I perfected making some turkey melts on some whole grain wheat bread.

But other than that...there isn't much progress. I've been frustrated with the world, the whole economy puts a damper on my overall mood. Why is it that I spent 4 years in college and this is what I'm supposed to feel like? I feel like I wasted my time in college...and I possibly did. I feel weird going to family luncheons and dinners because the question always comes up... "what are you doing now?" and the abundance of sympathy and help is there, but growing up the way I did... it makes you feel even more useless.

So what exactly am I doing to change...do things to better myself...well I decided to grow UP. I made a schedule at which I'm following daily except today... I missed out on studying for 2 hours in Barnes & Nobles. It's such a great place to sit down and read. I definitly wanted to pick up reading as more of a habit so I decided to start studying for the Series 7 exam. Do I know for sure that I'm going to become a stockbroker... no, not yet. But at least, it's being productive...

Tired of writing, and i'm not much of a writer...so till next time.

My bad....

I know, I've been a bit neglectful on blogging. I've been a bit busy with the holidays, the winter session, the casino trips... but now I'm back in force and hopefully this will suffice.

As far as the Accutane treatment, they increased the dosage to 60mg, two 30mg/day. People mention to me that they see improvement, however I don't see much at all. I've been getting some serious dry skin on my shoulders and it sux.

I just started classes on Monday... after completing a winter course on Friday. I know what a weekend vacation, however I'm excited for BPL this semester. It's seems highly competitive and we will be marketing an interesting product, which is the digital camera.

I also started my first day at Fox News Channel. So far so good and I'm really excited to contribute to my department and hopefully make an impact through this lagging economy. I won't leave that internship without making a difference or starting some type of project. That is my goal.

As for that, I'll let you guys go. I'll try to post often and instead of it being just a journal, I'll comment on random stuff.

Taking 26th dose today!

I think I missed a dose the other night. I must have knocked out. Anyways, I'm taking my 26th dose today and I think my skin has become a lot smoother as so my brother says. And for teph's comment, I'd post some pictures soon, but I'm a little lazy here.

Last night I went out and I had 3 beers, a 5 hour energy shot, and a shot of Jamison.
(however you spell it) This probably wasn't the best idea, but it was too tempting, not to drink a few. I don't think I binged though, so I hope its ok.

Anyways, I gotta run. I got a couple projects due here and there, a couple of papers, tests, interviews, cover letters, research. It never stops!

Quickie!

So for Monday, which was 38 minutes ago, I ate my 22nd dose of Accutane. So far, I think everything has been manageable.

I scored an interview with Fox 5. The only downside is that it's an unpaid spring internship and who knows what to expect. All I know is that I have 6 classes left. 3 Finance course, 1 BPL, a capstone for Comm, and another elective. Pretty Jam packed. Let's see how things go.

Time to Re-focus....

Note to self: I just took my 18th pill at around 12:00 A.M. on Thursday October 30th. By the time I submit this, it's probably Friday already.

Ok, with that being pushed out of the way, lets start with some things I have to do for next week. I still have 3 midterms next week. Can you believe that?!?! Better yet, I have to write two cover letters for two company's by tomorrow morning. I have been putting it off since Wed night, which was when I took my last final. I really have to just step up to the plate and take action.

One couselor told me to practice what I preach. - What this meant was that I am usually the one to give advice on possibly doing the right thing, staying focused and all that good stuff, but lately... I've been so overwhelmed with the amount of work that I have all the time, that when I do have time, I end up wasting it, by catching up on episodes of heroes, smallville, entourage. Those are my shows... and now even worse is that NBA season started. So... it's really a tough gamble all the time. Look at it this way, the time I'm spending writing this blog, I could be taking care of the two cover letters.

However, before I go, I wanted to share another experience that had occured which was a short conversation with an intellectual professor who I believe has become very successful in his career to be percieved as a hot commodity. What he asked was a simple question, but I still have trouble answering it and it's simply "what do you want to do?" And... so I got to thinking again and again throughout the ride home and in the shower and even now. Sometimes, I even have the urge to put the blame on the lack fo guidance and how I never really had a father-figure to guide me towards a path, yet it only makes my struggles harder fought. I also had met with an internship coordinator recently and she was the one who gave the preach stuff above, but she also told me clear cut and was brutally honest with me. That's what I need more. I need people like her to really shut me down so I can learn from it over and over again, every single time.

I think this is enough. I need some rest. Time to research fox 5 real quick and then going to write my cover letter by tomorrow.

Just took my 13th pill

I'm currently writing at 1:37 A.M. and it just rolled over to October 26th. Supposibly, the pill I just took is for Saturday the 25th. I'm confused at this point if I'm OD'n. I hope not.

So here's the progress... I'm still breaking out like a bitch and I don't know when its gonna be better. I'm now eating omega-3 pills to lower my fat in the blood. I'm just an unhealthy kid. Tomorrow, I'm going to the library early morning to get a lot of shit done. I just have to...

So again, i just took my 13th pill meant for the 25th. Tomorrow, I plan to take my 14th pill.

Anyways, off to finish this options trading webinar and then off to bed.

Speak to you all soon.

Dose #11

Here I am writing on my 11th dose of Accutane and boi my lips are freaking dry. Real dry to the point, I feel it's swollen lol. Anyways, my eyes are also very tired and a small irritation, but it's tolerable. I don't see much change on my face, however some girl told me today that she sees it getting better, but I can't take her word for it because I havent' seen her in months before today, so I have no idea what she's tlaking about.

On another note, I can see that I am starting to have those little outrages as they had predicted happens. But this might even be normal, but just a little enhanced. I get a bit of road rage as I'm driving in NY. Taxi Cabs really piss me off for the most part because they really do cause accidents. But anyways, besides that I also lost one of my chapsticks in the car. I had no idea where it was and literally, I was going crazy for it because my lips were so freaking dry, it was unbelieveable.

Tomorrow, I'm off to go find a good moisterizer, I've been using aveeno, but I'm not sure if it's good cuz it's like oatmeal. WHo knwos if it's good, most online websites that talk about accutane speaks about other type of products for it, so I might just go ahead and do the norm. Anyways, off to bed cuz I got work tmrw.

L8ter!

I just finished my first 10 pack!

So it's been 10 doses of Accutane and here's what has happened thus far, my skin gets really dry after I shower in the morning and at night. I've been putting Aveeno daily moisturizer immediately after it drys so that way, it will last for 24 hours or so. I've also have experienced my lips becoming extremely dry even with chapstick on, it's pretty crazy. I guess its time to step up the type of lip balm. On another note, I believe this drug has been makign me feel a lil bit lazy. I wake up later than I usually do and I tend to sleep an extra hour or two more.

My pimples have been coming out though. It seems as if there little to no improvement, but it has only been 10 days. In the beginning it seemed to be n a great path for success, however, the lil shits have been coming out of my face, damn pus, left and right. Pretty sick shit, but this is how it's real. I'm telling it how it is because in the event I go jeckyl and hyde on you guys, then you know my every move.

Anyways, off to bed. I got work tomorrow and hopefully within the next week, things will improve. Or else, I'll be pissed. The weekend is near, and another test arises. A halloween party to attend to on Saturday, and a whole shit load of people telling me to drink on Friday. Wonderful ain't it?

I guess it's been an entire weekend....

This past weekend was a huge test for me...no alcohol was definitely an obstacle when it was my friend's birthday and we all went out to club duvet. The place was nuts, it was a great time. The people that I was with was pounding down goose like there was no tomorrow, while I was sipping on my cranberry juice the entire night. What I did take before entering the club for the first time was that 6 hour power shot from the grocery store and surprisingly enough, it deep keep me up. I wonder if I'm allowed to take that type of stuff while on Sotret.

Anyways, moving along with my progress... there would some days where I would wake up and look at myself in the mirror and say, wow this stuff is strong and it might even be working. My skin is completely dried up to the point where the surfaced pimples are becoming scabs. But then, there would be one day where I wake up and there's all of a sudden 3 new pimples, bright and red!

Currently, my face is extremely dry. My lips are drenched in chapstick every couple of minutes. If I don't apply it, I'm pretty sure I won't like the feeling. What keeps me going, is the hope that everything will turn out for the better and hopefully the rule that applys here is "No Pain, Go Gain"

P.S. This drug is also making me sleep more. It's making me ignore my alarm clock and I often become late.

What a start of my day...

Man, I woke up this morning with a stunning headache. It was another night of no sleep. I was tossing and turning and on top of everything, there was construction workers outside my window until 3:00 in the morning.

As far as the side effects for today, I don't think there was much of any except the fact that I did really have some mind-boggling headaches and my small little road rage after work heading into the city. I ended up in a small fender bender, argued with a taxi driver that I hit at 2mph, but literally it was his fault for swerving in when it was clearly slowing to a red light. So not cool.

After the fender bender, I went straight to the library to study for a quiz on three chapters for 2 straight hours, yet it turns out there was no quiz. I ended up cramming hardcore for some business communication textbook which, in my opinion is just a whole bunch of common sense. I'm telling you, I will be able to eventually write books the way I write and no teacher will be able to judge my writing... if that even made any sense.

Well... off to bed and then to work tomorrow. Got a heavy load weekend and it will be the first test to NOT DRINK while on Sotret. Wish me luck!