Well deserved update....

So it's been a while since I had given this blog an update - reason because I've been busy, which is always a good thing.  Since my last post, I have realized after 7 months into my employment that I read the terms of my employment contract.  Most important is thing to note is that a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder.

Sales have been coming in by storm over the past two quarters.  There was a big dry spot at one point, a good month without sales, but I've managed to bring in some good trades and things are looking good to finish the qtr and year hopefully.

I treated myself to a yearly vacation (vegas), i don't regret it at all, nor the money that I spent going over there...had a great time with great people and had amazing memories to take away from it.  It will be a yearly thing until I'm hitched lol.

But anyways....back to the grind and time to be disciplined, focus and show the heart to get back on track, asap!

Another day... another story

I rushed home so I can write....I rushed home so I can clear my mind...I rushed home to escape from the work I was doing...the person I am becoming....

Another bad day at work = no sales. But some days when I have 0 sales, I don't have such a bad day like I did today... I was very frustrated at work and people could notice...I guess that's a bad thing.

If you haven't realized yet, I'm in sales.  I deal with people over the phone 24/7 and also dealing with my staff at work that hardly ever recognize me.  The book I'm reading says that everyone wants to be recognized and it's true.  I want to be recognized, but I'm not...or really I just want to be fairly compensated for what I'm doing...fairly treated for the person I really am.

I feel like since I have taken this job, my whole persona has changed rapidly.  I don't have the patience as I once did with many things before.  But, sometimes I have patience in the world to wait for a sale....it's wierd.  I have the two extreme's working for me...either I have patience or I don't.  Sometimes I'm great, better than anyone that has ever sat at my desk & sometimes I'm just average...

The hardest part of my job is sometimes getting through the receptionist.  It's hard enough that I'm calling and calling every single day to get through, but you figure after several months of calling that you have to go another route or something. So I did, I used the receptionists words against her and since she said "I'll have him get back to you.." so I questioned, you said that last time but the person didn't get back to me so I assume something went wrong...so I gave her my info again in hopes she would pass along again...(i was frustrated, a lil annoyed and yes I did take it out on her a bit so maybe i was a bit rude)

Then my co-worker decides to lecture me about being polite when he hasn't given me any type of respect at all since I've been there....so yes he was right about how I was rude, absolutly, but can't say there was not a hint of hypocracy on his end as well.

Damn what a bad day...again I wonder as I look at my face through the subway windows....who am i supposed to become, who am i becoming, and finally who i desire to become.  I just want to better myself every single day, but it seems like it just gets tougher and tougher to discovery who i truly am.  You figure at 23 years old, you'd ought to know a bit about yourself, but I'm sad to say I don't.

Truly, the events in my life have got my mind all fucked up...I gotta get myself going again...wind the clock and start again...

Tomorrow is another day...

What an emotionally drainful day...

Man, today was ruff...I went into work with a boat load of confidence... the horoscope reading on z100 this morning said that no one would stop me towards my goals, etc.

It all changed once I got into the office.  The leads were dead, the emotions started to kick in and I was losing my mind.  I went to grab my lunch out of the refrigerator and heated up my tuna melt sandwhich in the microwave.  Staring at the floor, I looked depressed. Luckily no one had stepped into the kitchen at that time.

When I got back to my desk... I looked at the tuna sandwhich that I normally enjoy, but today it just felt extremely different. Why was I eating a tuna sandwhich?  Why couldn't I go out and grab some unhealthy street meat for $6.00.  Could I not even afford that as well? 

The truth is...I haven't went out to eat during lunch for roughly approximately 4 months now.  Since Jan '10.  The reason for it is because I know exactly what I'm expected to get if I "break-even" with the job.  I would need to save 40% of my take-home income in order to reach the $10,000 mark.  Hopefully I can make an additional $5k elsewhere in order to reach my goal in the 6 months left. I think it's possble...

But man, today was ruff.  Emotionally drainful that I had to request Monday off.  I needed a day off to relax my mind from work on a business day.

I could sit here and ramble all day and complain about how all these people I see walking the streets of NYC are sporting great new clothing, big smiles on their face as if they won the lotto.  Why can't I be this happy?  Honestly, I think it comes down to my independence.  I don't even have my own room - haven't since I was born.  Maybe it's why I wished for many vacations...maybe it's why I spent all my money that I had on vacations, gambling, events, everything that had me outside of my own co-op.

Is this sacrifice necessary? Or am i going about it totally wrong?  Is anythign I'm writing making any sense?

Time will tell...time for bed.

Poker Grind - Atlantic City Trip #1

I'm back on my poker grind - The goal is to make money of course...

My Action Plan:

Travel to Atlantic City every Friday night after work for a few hours and come back early morning Saturday.

My Table Limit is $200/trip.

My Poker Bankroll: $1000.00 (I do not want to go over this...)

Anyways, on to the trip report...
I was in for $340 at one point, but good thing I made a small run and cut my losses.

Total trip: $-137.00

Motivated each day when I enter my building...

Everyday for the past couple of weeks, I've been pumping to this tune by Travie McCoy.  I wanna be a billionaire, so fuking bad..... I'd buy all the things I've never had.... Great song...

Youtube it if you guys even get a chance it's great.

I bought a book...

For the past two weeks, maybe less, I have been going to barnes & nobles to study for the series 7 exam by reading Series 7 for dummies. Today, I decided to buy it because it was wasting me a gas every day going to this place for 2 hours of the day, to have classical music and to be in the presence of other book lovers. I decided to buy it, but they don't know that I will be returning it in 14 days because I'm a broke dude.

After that, I had a nice luncheon with my good friend of mine at some mexican restaurant that I still can't even remember... and thank you for coming out and spending the time with me. I know...it must of been painful... but as a friend you listened and I just wanted to thank you for that. You start to realize as you get older who you're true friends (consultants) are... because at the end of the day, there are people who genuinely care for you, and there are those who are just there for the time being and then when all is said and done, they won't ever be the same around you.

I know the above may have sounded confusing, but only those who understand the concept, really understand it. So... after that, I went to Hicksville to chill with my buddy Dan and John. Good times watchign entourage and sparking up ideas on how I could become an actor... lmfao.
I love those guys, true friends.

Now I'm back home... thinking about my life up to date. Just rambling anything possible because at this point, I drank a couple of beers which I really needed. Tomorrow I'm goign to virginia, but quite honestly, I just don't feel like I'm in the greatest mood for it. I'm so negative right now as my friend said today..., it's this damn economy. It's everything that has happened to date. I feel like I don't have a father figure becuase he died at such a young age. Things would of been so much different...I miss you pops...

I'll be ok.

Pondering...

As I look back at what I have done in the past 2 months since graduation...It doesn't seem like much at all besides the fact that I went to San Diego for 2 weeks, which was great by the way...but other than that... I've been bumming around the house a lot.

I've picked up some new skills along the way, which are cooking and daydreaming. I know how to cook some tasty dumplings now. Not to mention, I perfected making some turkey melts on some whole grain wheat bread.

But other than that...there isn't much progress. I've been frustrated with the world, the whole economy puts a damper on my overall mood. Why is it that I spent 4 years in college and this is what I'm supposed to feel like? I feel like I wasted my time in college...and I possibly did. I feel weird going to family luncheons and dinners because the question always comes up... "what are you doing now?" and the abundance of sympathy and help is there, but growing up the way I did... it makes you feel even more useless.

So what exactly am I doing to change...do things to better myself...well I decided to grow UP. I made a schedule at which I'm following daily except today... I missed out on studying for 2 hours in Barnes & Nobles. It's such a great place to sit down and read. I definitly wanted to pick up reading as more of a habit so I decided to start studying for the Series 7 exam. Do I know for sure that I'm going to become a stockbroker... no, not yet. But at least, it's being productive...

Tired of writing, and i'm not much of a writer...so till next time.

My bad....

I know, I've been a bit neglectful on blogging. I've been a bit busy with the holidays, the winter session, the casino trips... but now I'm back in force and hopefully this will suffice.

As far as the Accutane treatment, they increased the dosage to 60mg, two 30mg/day. People mention to me that they see improvement, however I don't see much at all. I've been getting some serious dry skin on my shoulders and it sux.

I just started classes on Monday... after completing a winter course on Friday. I know what a weekend vacation, however I'm excited for BPL this semester. It's seems highly competitive and we will be marketing an interesting product, which is the digital camera.

I also started my first day at Fox News Channel. So far so good and I'm really excited to contribute to my department and hopefully make an impact through this lagging economy. I won't leave that internship without making a difference or starting some type of project. That is my goal.

As for that, I'll let you guys go. I'll try to post often and instead of it being just a journal, I'll comment on random stuff.

Taking 26th dose today!

I think I missed a dose the other night. I must have knocked out. Anyways, I'm taking my 26th dose today and I think my skin has become a lot smoother as so my brother says. And for teph's comment, I'd post some pictures soon, but I'm a little lazy here.

Last night I went out and I had 3 beers, a 5 hour energy shot, and a shot of Jamison.
(however you spell it) This probably wasn't the best idea, but it was too tempting, not to drink a few. I don't think I binged though, so I hope its ok.

Anyways, I gotta run. I got a couple projects due here and there, a couple of papers, tests, interviews, cover letters, research. It never stops!