Man, today was ruff...I went into work with a boat load of confidence... the horoscope reading on z100 this morning said that no one would stop me towards my goals, etc.
It all changed once I got into the office. The leads were dead, the emotions started to kick in and I was losing my mind. I went to grab my lunch out of the refrigerator and heated up my tuna melt sandwhich in the microwave. Staring at the floor, I looked depressed. Luckily no one had stepped into the kitchen at that time.
When I got back to my desk... I looked at the tuna sandwhich that I normally enjoy, but today it just felt extremely different. Why was I eating a tuna sandwhich? Why couldn't I go out and grab some unhealthy street meat for $6.00. Could I not even afford that as well?
The truth is...I haven't went out to eat during lunch for roughly approximately 4 months now. Since Jan '10. The reason for it is because I know exactly what I'm expected to get if I "break-even" with the job. I would need to save 40% of my take-home income in order to reach the $10,000 mark. Hopefully I can make an additional $5k elsewhere in order to reach my goal in the 6 months left. I think it's possble...
But man, today was ruff. Emotionally drainful that I had to request Monday off. I needed a day off to relax my mind from work on a business day.
I could sit here and ramble all day and complain about how all these people I see walking the streets of NYC are sporting great new clothing, big smiles on their face as if they won the lotto. Why can't I be this happy? Honestly, I think it comes down to my independence. I don't even have my own room - haven't since I was born. Maybe it's why I wished for many vacations...maybe it's why I spent all my money that I had on vacations, gambling, events, everything that had me outside of my own co-op.
Is this sacrifice necessary? Or am i going about it totally wrong? Is anythign I'm writing making any sense?
Time will tell...time for bed.
No comments:
Post a Comment