Another day... another story

I rushed home so I can write....I rushed home so I can clear my mind...I rushed home to escape from the work I was doing...the person I am becoming....

Another bad day at work = no sales. But some days when I have 0 sales, I don't have such a bad day like I did today... I was very frustrated at work and people could notice...I guess that's a bad thing.

If you haven't realized yet, I'm in sales.  I deal with people over the phone 24/7 and also dealing with my staff at work that hardly ever recognize me.  The book I'm reading says that everyone wants to be recognized and it's true.  I want to be recognized, but I'm not...or really I just want to be fairly compensated for what I'm doing...fairly treated for the person I really am.

I feel like since I have taken this job, my whole persona has changed rapidly.  I don't have the patience as I once did with many things before.  But, sometimes I have patience in the world to wait for a sale....it's wierd.  I have the two extreme's working for me...either I have patience or I don't.  Sometimes I'm great, better than anyone that has ever sat at my desk & sometimes I'm just average...

The hardest part of my job is sometimes getting through the receptionist.  It's hard enough that I'm calling and calling every single day to get through, but you figure after several months of calling that you have to go another route or something. So I did, I used the receptionists words against her and since she said "I'll have him get back to you.." so I questioned, you said that last time but the person didn't get back to me so I assume something went wrong...so I gave her my info again in hopes she would pass along again...(i was frustrated, a lil annoyed and yes I did take it out on her a bit so maybe i was a bit rude)

Then my co-worker decides to lecture me about being polite when he hasn't given me any type of respect at all since I've been there....so yes he was right about how I was rude, absolutly, but can't say there was not a hint of hypocracy on his end as well.

Damn what a bad day...again I wonder as I look at my face through the subway windows....who am i supposed to become, who am i becoming, and finally who i desire to become.  I just want to better myself every single day, but it seems like it just gets tougher and tougher to discovery who i truly am.  You figure at 23 years old, you'd ought to know a bit about yourself, but I'm sad to say I don't.

Truly, the events in my life have got my mind all fucked up...I gotta get myself going again...wind the clock and start again...

Tomorrow is another day...