Time to Re-focus....

Note to self: I just took my 18th pill at around 12:00 A.M. on Thursday October 30th. By the time I submit this, it's probably Friday already.

Ok, with that being pushed out of the way, lets start with some things I have to do for next week. I still have 3 midterms next week. Can you believe that?!?! Better yet, I have to write two cover letters for two company's by tomorrow morning. I have been putting it off since Wed night, which was when I took my last final. I really have to just step up to the plate and take action.

One couselor told me to practice what I preach. - What this meant was that I am usually the one to give advice on possibly doing the right thing, staying focused and all that good stuff, but lately... I've been so overwhelmed with the amount of work that I have all the time, that when I do have time, I end up wasting it, by catching up on episodes of heroes, smallville, entourage. Those are my shows... and now even worse is that NBA season started. So... it's really a tough gamble all the time. Look at it this way, the time I'm spending writing this blog, I could be taking care of the two cover letters.

However, before I go, I wanted to share another experience that had occured which was a short conversation with an intellectual professor who I believe has become very successful in his career to be percieved as a hot commodity. What he asked was a simple question, but I still have trouble answering it and it's simply "what do you want to do?" And... so I got to thinking again and again throughout the ride home and in the shower and even now. Sometimes, I even have the urge to put the blame on the lack fo guidance and how I never really had a father-figure to guide me towards a path, yet it only makes my struggles harder fought. I also had met with an internship coordinator recently and she was the one who gave the preach stuff above, but she also told me clear cut and was brutally honest with me. That's what I need more. I need people like her to really shut me down so I can learn from it over and over again, every single time.

I think this is enough. I need some rest. Time to research fox 5 real quick and then going to write my cover letter by tomorrow.

Just took my 13th pill

I'm currently writing at 1:37 A.M. and it just rolled over to October 26th. Supposibly, the pill I just took is for Saturday the 25th. I'm confused at this point if I'm OD'n. I hope not.

So here's the progress... I'm still breaking out like a bitch and I don't know when its gonna be better. I'm now eating omega-3 pills to lower my fat in the blood. I'm just an unhealthy kid. Tomorrow, I'm going to the library early morning to get a lot of shit done. I just have to...

So again, i just took my 13th pill meant for the 25th. Tomorrow, I plan to take my 14th pill.

Anyways, off to finish this options trading webinar and then off to bed.

Speak to you all soon.

Dose #11

Here I am writing on my 11th dose of Accutane and boi my lips are freaking dry. Real dry to the point, I feel it's swollen lol. Anyways, my eyes are also very tired and a small irritation, but it's tolerable. I don't see much change on my face, however some girl told me today that she sees it getting better, but I can't take her word for it because I havent' seen her in months before today, so I have no idea what she's tlaking about.

On another note, I can see that I am starting to have those little outrages as they had predicted happens. But this might even be normal, but just a little enhanced. I get a bit of road rage as I'm driving in NY. Taxi Cabs really piss me off for the most part because they really do cause accidents. But anyways, besides that I also lost one of my chapsticks in the car. I had no idea where it was and literally, I was going crazy for it because my lips were so freaking dry, it was unbelieveable.

Tomorrow, I'm off to go find a good moisterizer, I've been using aveeno, but I'm not sure if it's good cuz it's like oatmeal. WHo knwos if it's good, most online websites that talk about accutane speaks about other type of products for it, so I might just go ahead and do the norm. Anyways, off to bed cuz I got work tmrw.

L8ter!

I just finished my first 10 pack!

So it's been 10 doses of Accutane and here's what has happened thus far, my skin gets really dry after I shower in the morning and at night. I've been putting Aveeno daily moisturizer immediately after it drys so that way, it will last for 24 hours or so. I've also have experienced my lips becoming extremely dry even with chapstick on, it's pretty crazy. I guess its time to step up the type of lip balm. On another note, I believe this drug has been makign me feel a lil bit lazy. I wake up later than I usually do and I tend to sleep an extra hour or two more.

My pimples have been coming out though. It seems as if there little to no improvement, but it has only been 10 days. In the beginning it seemed to be n a great path for success, however, the lil shits have been coming out of my face, damn pus, left and right. Pretty sick shit, but this is how it's real. I'm telling it how it is because in the event I go jeckyl and hyde on you guys, then you know my every move.

Anyways, off to bed. I got work tomorrow and hopefully within the next week, things will improve. Or else, I'll be pissed. The weekend is near, and another test arises. A halloween party to attend to on Saturday, and a whole shit load of people telling me to drink on Friday. Wonderful ain't it?

I guess it's been an entire weekend....

This past weekend was a huge test for me...no alcohol was definitely an obstacle when it was my friend's birthday and we all went out to club duvet. The place was nuts, it was a great time. The people that I was with was pounding down goose like there was no tomorrow, while I was sipping on my cranberry juice the entire night. What I did take before entering the club for the first time was that 6 hour power shot from the grocery store and surprisingly enough, it deep keep me up. I wonder if I'm allowed to take that type of stuff while on Sotret.

Anyways, moving along with my progress... there would some days where I would wake up and look at myself in the mirror and say, wow this stuff is strong and it might even be working. My skin is completely dried up to the point where the surfaced pimples are becoming scabs. But then, there would be one day where I wake up and there's all of a sudden 3 new pimples, bright and red!

Currently, my face is extremely dry. My lips are drenched in chapstick every couple of minutes. If I don't apply it, I'm pretty sure I won't like the feeling. What keeps me going, is the hope that everything will turn out for the better and hopefully the rule that applys here is "No Pain, Go Gain"

P.S. This drug is also making me sleep more. It's making me ignore my alarm clock and I often become late.

What a start of my day...

Man, I woke up this morning with a stunning headache. It was another night of no sleep. I was tossing and turning and on top of everything, there was construction workers outside my window until 3:00 in the morning.

As far as the side effects for today, I don't think there was much of any except the fact that I did really have some mind-boggling headaches and my small little road rage after work heading into the city. I ended up in a small fender bender, argued with a taxi driver that I hit at 2mph, but literally it was his fault for swerving in when it was clearly slowing to a red light. So not cool.

After the fender bender, I went straight to the library to study for a quiz on three chapters for 2 straight hours, yet it turns out there was no quiz. I ended up cramming hardcore for some business communication textbook which, in my opinion is just a whole bunch of common sense. I'm telling you, I will be able to eventually write books the way I write and no teacher will be able to judge my writing... if that even made any sense.

Well... off to bed and then to work tomorrow. Got a heavy load weekend and it will be the first test to NOT DRINK while on Sotret. Wish me luck!

2nd Day - 10/16/08

A lot went on today, so let's hop right to it.

First off, I woke up in the middle of the night at around 4:30A.M, and I hope it was because I needed to piss real badly after pounding 3 bottles of water at 1:00A.M the night before. After that, my alarm went off at the usual time for Wed. morning and I went back to sleep until 9:30 and once I looked at my clock, I forced myself to get up because I like to be up when the stock market opens.

I woke up with some aches, but I think this was due to working out yesterday. My lips were dry of course because of Sotret. So I went on my day and went to school. Classes, classes, and classes, except it felt as if everyone was on edge to leave class more than ever because we were in the same class the day before. My first class, my teacher showed up late 20 minutes, but half the class and I were not there to witness it. We showed no pity and decided to flee after the 15 minute rule. (I think this is a rule)

Towards the end of my day, at around 6-9P.M., I started to feel the burn on my face. My eyes burning as if they wanted to just close. This could of been lack of sleep, or it could of been the drug. I started to feel a small sharp pain in my lower right area under the chest, normally where the liver is, but at this point I do hope it isn't the liver and the drug that might be doing something to it.

But as I left school, I was feeling exhausted and wanted to just go home and sleep. However, this is not possible for me. I have work tomorrow at 10:00A.M. and I needed to study for a quiz tomorrow on 3 chapters. On top of that, I needed to eat dinner, watch some of the analysis on the presidential debate that just took place, so I wouldn't be clueless tomorrow and finally get ready for bed. To end off, I have to study and it's 12:30. My goal is to study till 1:30 and get 7 hours of sleep. Let's see how that works out tonight.

Let's give Sotret a shot!

For those of you that don't know what Sotret is, it is a generic form of Accutane. A drug that would treat acne. I think my acne got worse after using Proactive religiously and I'm going to use this blog that I haven't wrote in a long time to express my daily thoughts on the drug and any side effects that may occur.

I started my first dose on Monday, 10/13/08. It's 40mg Sotret and immediately, what I felt was drying of the lips while going to sleep. After explaining this to several friends, they believe it's because I read so much that I would be having dry lips, and dry skin. I went to sleep that night a bit paranoid.

The next day, I felt fine. I even went to the gym and when I came home, I ate dinner at 11:30P.M and took my dose of Sotret 40mg. It's 1:38A.M. as I write this and I feel the dry lips and thirstyness of minor cottonmouth, from my early experimental days with mary jane.

I end this post with, I hope this works out for the better with little to no damage to the liver as I am extremely afriad for my liver each day because of my family history.

I will try my best to post everyday because of all of the probably side effects of psychosis, depression, and suicide that scares the shit out of me everyday. I try my best not to think of it.