You wouldn't begin to believe how much is going through my mind these past couple of days. As I write this entry, it's the unofficial celebration of April 20th. Although I won't mention its significance, I will mention that it's been a long weekend for me. So read on because I'm sure you'll find it quite interesting and raw.
On Fri. I decided to immediately head back home and start packing for a semi-relaxing weekend at Stony Brook University. Those who just tuned in, I x-fered from here and some of my friends here are considered my second family. I met with my partner to discuss our business idea and we held an informal meeting with some friends to convince them that the business was a great idea. It ended at 1:30A.M and we were extremely hyped because we actually convinced a very narrow-minded individual to side with us. Friday ended after I drank a couple of beers or two to put me to sleep.
On Saturday, my partner and I knew it was definitely time to put in some hard work to revise the business plan due to a recent upset of a competition. We worked on it for a couple of hours, until we needed a short break. The break ended up taking the rest of the night. My partner went to go do his thing for leisure and I decided to play some basketball, which I haven't played in a year for being such a "serious" kid at Baruch and because I was taking 18 credits last semester. SBU is my escape. Throughout the entire night, I would always be reminded of the big task at hand, which is really starting this business idea and really sticking with it.
It's 4/20 and I don't partake in the festivities, but I chaperoned with a group of friends to the nearby beach. It was a little nippy, but fairly sunny as well. Looking out into the ocean was extremely peaceful. As an Pices, thinking is in my blood. I started to think about my "I" personality, my life, what I'm doing is crazy, my motives for the next couple of months, what I need to do in the next couple of weeks, my spring break won't be a break!
It all comes down to two things. Is this what my Dad would have wanted me to do? and Will I be able to reach my goal in order to really spend some great times with my mom while she relaxes... Yes, I admit, I can't guarantee a success on what I'm planning to do. For example, I'm trying to take out a 100k loan. If the business fails, I'll be in deeper and in an even worse situation that I would be. Ever since my father had passed away, I haven't really been able to express true happiness. I've always been trying my hardest to take burdens off my mother so that she can relax. As little as I express it, I am incredibly proud of her efforts through my dad's passing and putting us through college.
Ok, you can stop now if you want to because now I'm just expressing my feelings.
I'm really scared at this point, but I feel like I am ready to try something new. Ever since I started working, I have been working on my resume to make it better each and every time, until I took a job with a law firm due to the lack of positions available granted for a x-fer student with very little leisure time. Starting up this business, feels as if this is my next big step. No matter what the outcome of the business is, I will have grown tremendously and better prepped for the real world than any undergraduate would be. This would in fact help boost my confidence and my credentials competitive with my peers. My family does not have many connects, yet I plan to change that with my generation and hopefully keep the Mo legacy going.
To wrap things up, this spring break is no joke for me. I must use every single time wisely to work on my business plan, work, and study. I would love to do great in these subjects with ease, but I think I have come to realization that my efforts towards studying are not A+ standard and I am ok with that.
To sum up, I'm an emotional guy for those who really decide to meet me. I can be a bit annoying and a downer at times, but I'm looking to change that hopefully. All I want to do is to live with my friends and family and have the luxuries of spending as I please to accommodate good people.
Yeah, whatever...
4 comments:
A post on the professor's blog, Picasso's Top 7 Tips for a Better Life, has some good inspirations to take, but more importantly advices that work.
http://profkblog.blogspot.com/2008/05/picassos-top-7-tips-for-better-life.html
Yes, you are indeed an emotional personal. The good side of it is that you think more and think deeper by getting in touch with your emotion, and is full of passion when you do things, whatever that passion may be. The bad thing is, and from my observation only, but I am not sure if it is really you, that you let the emotion takes over and become worry in a way that is worrier than normal worry should be when things become uncertain. Thus it is difficult to make rational decision by looking at things calmly, rationally, or from a different perspective in a irrational mood, which is when the neurochemicals in the brain form in a pattern such that the message signal giving to the brain is to worry, to get emotionally irrational.
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